One of the things which Joshua and I have been dealing with this year is our struggle to have a baby. We have now been trying for 2 and a half years. Infertility is never something one expects to deal with and yet an estimated 10% of all women in the United States, that's about 6.1 million women, will deal with this issue at some point in their lives.
This journey is a hard one, filled with ups and downs and unexpected curves in the road. I fluctuate between hoping that this will be our month, to feeling certain it will never happen, to simply going through the motions of all the tests and medications. But mostly, what I've felt, especially this year, is that I am less than others. Less favored by God, less loved and, therefore, unworthy of being a mother. This feeling is especially strong when confronted by friends and family members who just up and get pregnant with their second, third or even fourth child. What is so wrong with me that I cannot get pregnant?
A month ago I underwent a laparoscopy. Stage 3 endometriosis was found and treated. Now we get back on the roller coaster of Clomid and IUI's (intrauterine insemination), blood tests and ultrasounds. It's draining but I know it will be worth it in the end if we achieve our goal of having a baby. During this time I have been blessed to meet women who are on a similar journey, some for far longer than I. It is comforting to know I am not alone.
So, in this season of Thanksgiving, I want to list a few things I'm thankful for during this difficult period:
- I am thankful for a loving and supportive husband who is sensitive and caring. One who is walking this journey with me and is often my strength.
- I am thankful for sweet friends who love me and pray for me, asking God to answer our prayers for a child.
- I am thankful for advances in medicine which will help us conceive and for a godly doctor who is wise and kind.
- I am thankful that - no matter what happens in the end - that God is in control of this situation and the whole of my life.
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